The Surprising Truth About Control: Why You’re Limiting Yourself Without Knowing It

relinquish control

Have you ever thought about what it would feel like to just let go? To surrender to what is, trusting that everything is working out exactly as it should? Even just reading those words, take a moment to notice how you feel in your body. Do you feel your shoulders soften? Or maybe your mind is telling you, “that’s impossible!” Whether you feel resistance or a deep sense of relief, this idea of surrender lies at the heart of a powerful yoga principle known as Ishvara Pranidhana—a practice of releasing control and trusting the flow of life.

As a yoga teacher and life coach, I’ve seen how transformative this practice can be—not just in the studio but in life. Today, I want to share how you can relinquish control to thrive, cultivate inner peace, and trust that life is unfolding in your favor.

Relinquishing Control

One of the most difficult lessons we all face is realizing how little we can control in life. We often carry this illusion of control, thinking that if we plan hard enough, work hard enough, or care hard enough, we can steer life in the direction we want. But reality has a funny way of reminding us that control is limited.

Take a moment and ask yourself: What would happen if you stayed in your own lane, focusing only on what you can control?

The Freedom in Letting Go

Years ago, I experienced a major shake-up when a barre studio I taught at closed suddenly, and a new yoga studio I had been eagerly waiting to teach at was delayed. It felt like everything was falling apart. I had been so focused on controlling these external situations—when and where I would teach—that I had forgotten the bigger picture. But once I let go, I found that I was suddenly open to new opportunities. I ended up teaching more classes at the yoga studio than I ever anticipated, and it turned out to be a huge blessing in disguise.

When you stop gripping so tightly to what isn’t in your control, you free up energy. You become a magnet for what’s truly meant for you, and often, it turns out better than you ever imagined.

Leaning into Faith Instead of Fear

Relinquishing control isn’t about being passive or giving up. It’s about having faith that things are working out for your highest good, even if it’s not on your timeline or how you think it should happen. I know firsthand that building this kind of faith takes practice. It’s not something you master overnight, but like any skill, it grows the more you work at it.

Start small. Practice letting go in minor situations, like not micromanaging every detail of your day. If you’re like me and obsess over a clean house, notice what happens when you allow some mess to exist for a little while. Does it really affect your happiness? Or does it free up mental space to focus on something that matters more?

embodied yoga life coaching

The Control We Do Have

It’s easy to think that by letting go, we’re relinquishing all control, but that’s not true. There are things we absolutely can and should control—mainly, ourselves.

You have control over:

  • When you sleep and wake up
  • What you eat
  • How you move your body
  • Your breathing
  • Your attitude and mindset

These are powerful things to focus on! When you redirect your energy toward what’s within your control, you’ll start to notice just how much peace you gain. It’s not about controlling the world around you but controlling your own experience of the world.

My To-Do List Example

I used to believe that my to-do list dictated my life. If it wasn’t all checked off by the end of the day, I felt like a failure. But over time, I’ve learned to let go of this need for productivity as a measure of my worth. By releasing the pressure to always be “on top of it,” I’ve found more time to nourish myself—whether that’s through a mid-day yoga practice, a quiet cup of coffee, or simply taking a breath. When you let go of the obsession with productivity, you create space for what really nourishes you.

The Gripping Sand Theory

One of my favorite metaphors for this comes from a story I heard many years ago: Imagine you have a handful of sand. If you grip it too tightly, the sand slips through your fingers. But if you hold it gently, supporting it with an open palm, the sand stays in your hand.

I’ve thought about this story countless times, especially as a parent of two young adult children. The more I tried to control their success, the more it felt like I was losing the closeness we shared. It’s only when I relaxed my grip and allowed them to walk their own paths that our relationships deepened.

Intimacy and Control Are Opposites

Intimacy and control are often at odds with each other. I’ve experienced this personally as a parent—when I try to control the path for my son, I lose the opportunity to get to know his desires and choices.  But if we have a conversation, where I am open and curious to what he is thinking and feeling, we have a much more mature and intentional conversation.  Plus, the bonus here is that I learn so much more than if I had come to it with a set agenda and tried to take the conversation where I thought it should go.

While there are times when choosing control can be intentional and appropriate, acting out of control because it’s an ingrained habit usually leads to suffering. Underneath that need to control is often fear or an unexpressed desire, and it’s essential to recognize this. Instead of trying to control every situation, expressing your desires openly and with gratitude can inspire others without attaching yourself to a specific outcome. For example, saying, “I’d love it if you could help me clean the kitchen so we can hang out together faster,” encourages collaboration without pressure.

When Control Becomes a Distraction

Control can also become a form of distraction. Sometimes, we obsess over certain things—like a clean house or how others perceive us—because they divert our attention away from deeper desires or fears. In my case, my obsession with tidiness was a way to avoid feeling overwhelmed by the pressures of growing my yoga business. By focusing on things that didn’t matter as much, I was avoiding what actually needed my energy.

Ask yourself: What are you avoiding by trying to control every little thing? When you release these distractions, you’ll have more energy to focus on your true purpose.

Release the Outcome

One of the hardest parts of surrender is releasing attachment to outcomes. We often think we know how things should turn out, but life has a way of surprising us. What if by letting go, you’re opening yourself up to something even better than you imagined?

Living your yoga by practicing releasing control means having a dream or goal but not clinging to how it manifests. It’s about trusting that if it’s meant for you, it will come—and if it’s not, something better will take its place. Some of the greatest blessings in my life have come from things not working out the way I planned.

Strength in Softness

Surrender requires both strength and softness. It’s like water: strong enough to carve through rock, yet soft enough to flow and adapt.

When you release control, you’re not giving up your power. You’re actually tapping into a greater source of strength—the ability to trust, adapt, and thrive no matter what life throws your way.

Conclusion: Thriving Through Surrender

Living a life of surrender doesn’t mean sitting back and waiting for things to happen to you. It means actively participating in your life with faith that the universe is on your side. When you stop gripping so tightly and allow yourself to be open to the flow of life, you find freedom—freedom to discover your purpose, to explore your unique gifts, and to live in alignment with your true self.

Remember, relinquishing control is a practice. It’s not something you master overnight. But each time you let go, even just a little bit, you’ll find that life has a way of working out, often better than you could have planned. So, take a deep breath, release what you can’t control, and trust that you are exactly where you’re meant to be.

Much love & health,

Carrie