Can you believe that you often get in your own way when you are trying to get to a goal? Maybe you never really start and say you will get to it tomorrow. Maybe you have a secret goal and are afraid to tell anyone. Or maybe you work really hard and are so close to finishing, but something happens to prevent you from successfully reaching it. Here are a few ways you may limit yourself in reaching your goals.
Getting in the Way of Your Goals
1. You self-sabotage.
Your brain says “danger” when you try new things. This is a survival technique from long ago. Your reptilian brain doesn’t want you to fail because a long time ago that would mean death. Obviously, in the current time, you trying to reach your goals will not kill you, but this part of your brain is still in protection mode. Luckily, you can use your prefrontal cortex which is the reasoning part of your brain. When you slow down and take a moment to think instead of react, you use your prefrontal cortex to acknowledge the fear-based thoughts. Acknowledge the fear but you don’t allow it to rule your actions and emotions. You can make decisions from a logical place instead of an emotional, reactive place.
2. You wait to start.
Waiting to start could be because you don’t think you are ready. Maybe you feel like you aren’t qualified so you need to get more training, certifications, experience, etc. Or maybe you feel like it isn’t the perfect time to begin. The question you need to ask yourself is, “Is this true or an excuse?” Fear based thinking can really do a number on your psyche.
Questions to think about:
What skills do you have to apply to this goal even if you haven’t done anything like this before?
When was a time that you succeeded with something new? Reflect on your past experiences that you were successful or times you overcame an obstacle or setback.
Practice:
Visualize yourself achieving your goal. Bring awareness to how it feels in your body to achieve this goal. Does your breath speed up or slow down? Do you feel light or weighed down? Now, imagine what kind of clothes you will be wearing when you are successful with this goal. Visualize what your body language looks like. Think about what success really looks like to you.
3. You think you will fail.
This fear of failure is a big one. Sometimes you don’t even start or acknowledge your dream or goal because you are too afraid to fall on your face. This thought can also be tied to the thought of, “What will people think of me if I fail?” The thing is EVERYONE fails. You are a human being and have flaws. You will fail and make mistakes. It’s what you do when you fail that’s important.
When you fail, you gain resourcefulness and resilience. Don’t focus on the failure or setback but on what insights you can learn from it.
Also, remove the “all or nothing” mindset. For example, you are not a failure for missing one workout if your goal is to lose weight. Reframe your mindset and begin again.
4. You allow your limiting beliefs to rule your actions.
Limiting beliefs are thoughts you believe to be the absolute truth and they stop you from doing certain things. These can also be called old stories or old thought patterns that have been ingrained in your neural pathways. When your limiting beliefs are in control, you block your ability to think outside the box. You have the mindset that this is the way it has always been done so you can’t change it.
You can start again by releasing what you believe to know to see things how they truly are. Releasing past stories, judgement, and limiting beliefs about yourself, another person, or the situation. You can have a beginner’s mindset. With a beginner’s mindset, you are open to new and unique possibilities as they exist in the current moment.
5. You focus on the negative and/or judgmental thoughts.
Words are powerful and what you say to yourself is important. You want to create your own story about how, why, and when you will achieve this goal using powerful and positive language. Remember, you want to create new neural pathways to get out of those limiting, fear-based stories and beliefs. These limiting beliefs and stories are often acquired from your family or culture and past experiences.
To counter these negative thoughts, you need to make sure you know why you want this goal. When your goals are attached to your morals and values, you will have more motivation to reach your goal. You shouldn’t focus on the negative, but you should be thinking about possible setbacks or barriers and how you would work through them when they arise. One possibility is that something will trigger you bringing up your old wounds that can get you off track. You can manage your triggers by:
- Anticipating what or who will trigger you
- Having a plan when the triggers come
- Seeing a new perspective when the trigger happens-What is this teaching you?
6. You procrastinate.
When you are overwhelmed, you may procrastinate. It feels safer to avoid and/or numb out than getting started or continuing in an overwhelmed state. Taking small, actionable steps toward your goal will help to overcome inertia. A body at rests stays at rest, whereas a body in motion stays in motion. Many times, the hardest part is just getting started or showing up. Revisit the reason(s) why you wanted this goal in the first place. Meeting or exceeding your small actionable steps will build confidence and propel you forward onto the next small step and so on.
7. You think you should have it all right now.
This mindset can lead to overwhelm and giving up on your goals entirely. Just like with procrastination, taking small, actionable steps that you can measure will help. Set reasonable time frames to achieve the goal and make a plan on how you will monitor your actions.
8. You allow others to influence your decisions and goals.
This is another great survival trait. Humans rely on others to help determine their moods. This was designed in evolution to let people come to another person’s emotional rescue. For example, an infant cries and the mother comes to the baby to soothe it, feed it, etc. Also, another person’s energy can influence your own. Think about walking into a room and you can feel the tension in the air. Their energy can change your physiology. When you share a goal with someone else with unsure energy, you will receive that same energy back. This reflection can lead you down the path of negative and judgmental thoughts that derail you from your goal. So, be careful what energy you are giving off when you ask for advice or share your visions. Remember to go back to why you want to meet your goal. This will help you to stay intrinsically motivated instead of relying on others.
Let me know if any of these resonated with you in the comments below. The first step is to have an awareness of your behavior patterns, fear-based beliefs, and old stories. Then, you can acknowledge them and recognize if they are helping or hindering you in accomplishing your goal. Sometimes just the acknowledgement can start to make them dissolve and move you into a more positive, productive mindset to get you to your goals.
Much love & health,
Carrie