Transformation is a journey—a path that requires dedication, self-awareness, and a willingness to step out of our comfort zones. One of the key skills that can guide us on this journey is Tapas. Translated from Sanskrit, Tapas means heat, fire, flame, catharsis, transformation, self-discipline, or cleanse. It’s the inner fire that drives us to grow and change, often in ways that are both challenging and rewarding.
Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes
Cultivating the Opposite
One of the most profound ways to embrace transformation is by cultivating the opposite of our default patterns. This practice asks us to do the opposite of what we usually do, even when it feels uncomfortable. For instance, if you’re someone who typically stays silent, try using your voice on something you’re passionate about. If you’re habitually late, aim to show up ten minutes early.
This practice is hard work. Changing our thoughts, beliefs, and ingrained patterns takes effort and discipline. It can feel uncomfortable and scary to do something new and different, but that discomfort is a sign that you’re expanding your nervous system and stepping into growth.
Embrace Change
You must be willing to change if you want to transform your life. We can’t control other people or most of what happens in life, so if you aren’t happy with your situation, you must change your behavior, thoughts, or approach. That’s all you can control. If you find yourself thinking, “That’s not fair,” remember this: “If I continue doing/thinking ______, the only person who suffers is me.” It’s a tough truth, but it’s one we must face.
Experimentation and Balance
Doing the opposite invites experimentation. You don’t know what will happen—it’s like a game. It also helps you find more balance. For example, as a type A personality and recurring perfectionist, I often need to slow down to balance my naturally driven and hard-working nature. This kind of experimentation can help create new neural pathways, changing your habits and responses over time.
Creating New Neural Pathways
Our habits of thinking, feeling, and acting are based on neural pathways. The more we repeat something, the deeper the groove in our brain becomes. Donald Hebb discovered in 1949 that “neurons that fire together, wire together.” This means that the thoughts you repeat most often and with the most emotion get reinforced. In contrast, thoughts you don’t reinforce will eventually fade away.
Changing these patterns is hard because our brain is wired to take the path of least resistance for survival. But the good news is that you can rewire your brain and create new neural pathways, leading to new habits and behaviors. This process requires you to take your brain to the “mind gym” and work through the resistance.
Recognizing and Breaking Patterns
Consider how your current patterns are reinforced. For example, you get stressed (trigger), walk to the pantry, and start eating a bag of chips (behavior). The reward is the comfort from the chips. To break this pattern, you must recognize it and create a new response that aligns with your goals. This is tapas and it requires effort and work to transform.
The Power of Tapas
Self-Care and Energy
Tapas requires energy, and that energy comes from self-care. If you prioritize self-care, you’ll have the reserves needed to try something different. This might look different for each person. For some, it means setting boundaries and saying “no,” while for others, it means saying “yes” to new opportunities. Understanding your specific thoughts, behaviors, and patterns is crucial to practicing effective self-care.
Small Steps and Compassion
Start small. The more you practice cultivating the opposite, the more comfortable you will become. This practice will also help dissolve self-sabotaging patterns that prevent you from doing self-care. Give yourself grace and compassion as you navigate this process. You may even decide to keep some old patterns if they serve you well. Some of your patterns are serving you well!
Practical Tips to Cultivate the Opposite
1. Use a Mantra: For example, “It is safe for me to do less.”
2. Disrupt Old Patterns: When old thoughts arise, disrupt them with physical actions like roaring, shaking, jumping, or adopting a power posture.
3. Change Your Routine: Take a different route to work, start at the opposite end of the grocery store, or don’t unload the dishwasher—these small changes can break the monotony and invite new possibilities.
4. Time Blocking: If you don’t usually follow a schedule, try time blocking your day. Leave work at a set time, even if you’re tempted to stay longer.
Shifting Perspectives
Tapas can also involve changing your perspective. For instance, if you often think, “There is never enough time,” try shifting to, “Everything that truly matters gets done.” If you think, “Bad things always happen to me,” cultivate the opposite with, “Everything is working out in my best interest.”
Remember, everything is energy. Changing negative energy into positive energy will attract higher energy to you. If you’re unsure, invite in a pause or silence to see if you can notice old patterns or belief systems that aren’t serving you.
Personal Anecdote: Embracing Vulnerability
Let me share a personal example. Instead of staying quiet and becoming resentful for not being pampered on Mother’s Day, I told my husband and kids exactly what I wanted. I asked for cards, handwritten or bought, and for the inside of my car to be cleaned. I don’t like cleaning my car, so this would be a meaningful gift. Once I shared my desire, I let go of the outcome and waited for Mother’s Day. I received sweet, handwritten cards from them, which filled my heart.
Brené Brown speaks on vulnerability, describing it as “the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” This takes tapas, or the willingness to create transformation. And making that transformation happen requires energetic reserves from self-care. (Review the blog on self-awareness that leads to self-care.)
The Role of Beliefs
Marie Forleo, in “Everything is Figureoutable,” states, “In order to solve a problem or achieve any dream, we must first make a change at the level of belief. Because when you change a belief, you change everything.” This changing of beliefs first requires self-awareness. Second, it requires you to be open, curious, and willing to challenge ingrained patterns that no longer serve you.
Conclusion
Embracing the practice of Tapas and cultivating the opposite of our default patterns can lead to profound personal growth and transformation. It requires self-discipline, curiosity, and a willingness to step out of our comfort zones. By changing our daily choices and actions, we can transform our intentions into reality and become higher versions of ourselves. Remember, the journey is continuous, and every small step you take brings you closer to thriving in your life.
Resources:
Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: how the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. New York, NY, Gotham Books.
Forleo, M. (2019). Everything is Figureoutable. Portfolio/Penguin.
Larkin, B. (2023) Yoga Life: Habits, Poses, and Breathwork to Channel Joy Amidst the Chaos. New York. Habit Book Group, Inc.