In the hustle and bustle of modern life, it’s easy to lose touch with our true selves. Societal pressures, cultural norms, and childhood conditioning shape our thoughts and behaviors, often leading us away from our innate genius. However, by adopting certain skills, we can reconnect with our essence and thrive in all areas of life, from relationships and business to community and personal well-being. Here are three essential skills to cultivate for a more fulfilling and balanced life.
1. Self-Awareness That Leads to Self-Care
Being Willing to Do Self-Study
Self-awareness is the cornerstone of self-care. It begins with a willingness to engage in self-study, to reflect on our thoughts, behaviors, and needs. This introspection helps us identify what truly nourishes us and what changes we need to make to feel more balanced and content.
Tuning into What Actually Brings You Nourishment
One of the biggest obstacles to self-care is that many people don’t know what truly nourishes them. We often listen to external voices—friends, family, or societal expectations—rather than our own inner voice. Self-awareness involves tuning into what feels nourishing to you, which can vary depending on the day, season, or situation. Trust your gut and intuition; there’s no right or wrong answer.
Creating Perspective
Self-awareness also creates a bird’s eye view of situations, allowing us to pause rather than react impulsively. This perspective can lead to a more easeful, enjoyable life, helping us to handle unexpected problems with grace. Brett Larkin, in her book Yoga Life, emphasizes that we can only receive nourishment in the present moment. When our cup is full, we can stay in our highest vibration and manage life’s challenges more grace and compassion.
Practicing Self-Care
Self-care is a direct application of self-awareness. Imagine parenting yourself—how would you nurture and care for your own well-being? This could involve daily practices that keep you sane, that we call Level 1 self-care, and activities that bring deep joy and nourishment which are Level 2 self-care. These practices create reserves of energy, helping you stay calm and joyful, show others how you want to be treated, and handle depletion by engaging in activities that light you up.
For example, I have a Level 1 self-care routine of moving my body daily, whether it’s yoga or a strength training workout. This helps me feel centered and energized. My Level 2 self-care might be taking a walk in nature or spending a day out by the pool reading a fun book—activities that make me feel alive and deeply nourished.
Changing Your Story
Through self-awareness, you can recognize old patterns and thought loops. Ask yourself, “Are these thoughts true, or are they just old stories playing on repeat?” If a pattern no longer serves you, you have the power to change it. For instance, if you notice you often feel overwhelmed because you don’t set boundaries, acknowledge this pattern and take steps to create healthier limits. When you change your story, you change your life.
2. Acting Differently: Cultivating the Opposite
Embracing Change
The second skill involves acting differently than you normally would, even if it feels uncomfortable. This is about cultivating the opposite of your default patterns. For example, if you usually avoid confrontation, try expressing your thoughts clearly and assertively. If you tend to be late, make an effort to arrive early.
The Challenge of Change
Changing ingrained thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors is challenging and requires discipline and effort. It can feel uncomfortable, but this discomfort is a sign of growth. You must be willing to transform and take responsibility for your happiness. As I often remind my clients, “Nothing changes, if nothing changes.”
Experimentation and Balance
Trying the opposite invites experimentation and can help you find more balance. For instance, I’m a fiery pitta dosha personality, always striving and pushing myself. By consciously slowing down and embracing relaxation, I create balance in my life. This practice also creates new neural pathways, making change easier over time.
Using Self-Care as a Foundation
Having excess energy through self-care makes it easier to try something new. For example, if I practice yoga and feel centered, I’m more likely to approach challenges with a calm mind and open heart. This foundation of self-care supports the work of transforming old patterns and behaviors.
Personalized Change
What constitutes change will be different for everyone. For some, it might mean setting boundaries and saying “no.” For others, it might mean saying “yes” to new opportunities. Understanding your unique patterns, values, and priorities will guide you in practicing this skill effectively.
3. Relinquishing Control
Letting Go of the Uncontrollable
The third skill is about letting go of things you cannot control. This involves having faith that everything is working out for your best interest, even if it doesn’t align with your timeline or expectations. Leaning into faith rather than fear requires a shift in thinking and often overlaps with cultivating the opposite.
Freeing Up Energy
When you let go of control, you free up energy to focus on self-care, attract your desires, and pursue your purpose. For instance, when I let go of my obsession with keeping my house spotless, I redirect that energy toward my coaching business and my personal growth.
Staying in Your Lane
Consider how much energy you waste trying to control others or external situations. If you stayed “in your lane” and focused only on what you can control, what could you achieve with all that reclaimed time and energy? This realization can be liberating and empowering.
Recognizing What You Can Control
You have control over a few key areas in your life: when you sleep and wake, what you wear, what you eat, how you move your body, and how you breathe. By focusing on these controllable aspects, you can create a more harmonious and fulfilling life.
The Illusion of Control
Often, the need to control stems from fear or unexpressed desires. Instead of trying to control, express your desires openly and without attachment to the outcome. For example, rather than stressing over whether my son follows a specific path for his future, I focus on supporting him and ask questions from a place of curiosity to learn more about his wants and desires.
Releasing Control Wisely
Relinquishing control is not about being passive or indifferent. It’s about using your energy wisely and choosing where to direct your efforts. Sometimes, you might still choose control. For example, something may need to get done by a certain deadline. But, you do so consciously rather than out of default patterns. Awareness is the first step to change.
Putting It All Together
These three skills—self-awareness leading to self-care, acting differently by cultivating the opposite, and relinquishing control—are interconnected. Each skill supports and enhances the others. By integrating these practices into your daily life, you can navigate challenges with greater ease, maintain higher energy levels, and live a more joyful, balanced, and fulfilling life.
Remember, thriving in life is a journey, not a destination. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress along the way. By applying these skills, you’ll not only improve your own well-being but also positively impact your relationships, work, and community. So take a deep breath, tune into your inner voice, and embrace the path to a thriving life.
Much love & health,
Carrie