5 Books That Got Me Through My Midlife Crisis

My hope in sharing my takeaways from the books that helped me through my midlife crisis is to promote healing, wellness, and an opportunity for growth. Make time to sit with yourself and explore all the things that have come before to get you to this point in your life. These experiences make you who you are right now. Denying what is truly at your center and what your heart is asking for deep down that you are too scared or ashamed to express won’t go away. Worse these feelings can build and build until one day you are so exhausted from spending your energy denying it, that you will burn out or explode. Either way, it’s not good for you or those around you. So, before you get to that point, I invite you to do self-study regularly.

Here, I share 5 books. I invite you to see if anything I write about touches you. Maybe you read something that I took away from these authors and want to know more. I hope you take the time to explore that desire to grow and learn for yourself because that will eventually spread to other people and areas in your life.

1. The Universe Has Your Back: Transform Fear to Faith by Gabrielle Bernstein

This was my very first spiritual book and, out of all her books that I have read, is still my favorite.

Take Aways That Inspired Me:

She says to see fear as a catalyst for change and growth. She presents the idea that what you don’t accept and work through will continue to show up for you again and again until you face that fear. She asks you to accept it as a ‘divine assignment for healing and growth’.

She talks about getting out of your own way and releasing control. She presents the idea of surrendering to universal guidance. By trying to control, you are blocking out spiritual guidance that is trying to get to you. When you surrender and not limit yourself, creative solutions and possibilities that you could not have imagined can present themselves.

In this book, she suggests you open up to trusting and having faith that you are being guided to exactly the right place and time even if it differs from what you thought it might look like. The idea to view obstacles as opportunities or as “detours in the right direction”.

Aha! Quote: “What you judge in others is a reflection of what you judge in yourself, whereas what you love in others is a reflection of your light.” This quote is still interesting to me. When you investigate what is it that you are really feeling as you judge someone else…envy, disappointment, loss, jealousy, use this information to help further your self-study and self-awareness, instead of lashing out, being judgmental, or gossiping.

She teaches the Surrender Prayer. I have it written in the front of my journals and read it to myself almost daily. Just saying it to myself reminds me to release control and hand things over. I don’t always need to be in control. It makes me feel a little lighter. There is a relief that comes with letting go of the need to be in charge all the time and that maybe there is a plan far greater than my own.

2. Untamed by Glennon Doyle

Glennon Doyle is raw and honest in this book. It’s a story about family, love, and waking up to the fact that you are more than the box that society, family, and even yourself can trap you in.

Ideas That Resonated With Me:

She shares a story about being in a hot yoga class where the instructor tells them not to leave and to push through the class even if they aren’t feeling well. After the class was over, she realizes that she could have just walked out the door instead of suffering through the class.  You create your own locked doors in life and make up a perceived narrative that isn’t even true because you are too “fill in the blank” …embarrassed and don’t want to call unwanted attention to yourself; or feel you are not good enough; or want to look perfect; or want to seem like the “good” girl or boy, etc. Those restraints you create can get you farther and farther away from your true authentic selves which will lead to unhappiness and eventually to burn out.

Which leads me to this, I am a parent and have a responsibility to show up for my children, teach them how to navigate the world and to set an example for them. But when I don’t live in my truth and when I don’t let them see my struggles and how I get through them, I am doing them a disservice. I am not perfect, and the world is not perfect. My children are not perfect, and their lives will not be perfect either. They need to know that. They need to see it and be able to ask questions to help them when they get old enough that they will be on their own trying to figure it out and making mistakes while they are at it. They need to know that is OK.

Aha! Quote: “If we are truly alive, we are constantly losing who we just were, what we just built, what we just believed, what we just knew to be true.” This quote reminds me of satya in yoga. Satya means truthfulness and it’s a moving target because of what this quote is saying. You are learning new things all the time and those things can begin to shape and change what used to be true for you at one point in time.

She writes, “The goal is to surrender, constantly, who I just was in order to become who this next moment calls me to be.” As you surrender, you can be fully present in what is happening in the now. You should be learning and growing, which was so essential for me during this season in my life. consistently shedding the layers of who you used to be to become what is needed next but keeping that wisdom from your previous layer always with you.

3. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brene Brown

Points To Think On:

First, the idea of using ‘and’ instead of ‘or’. She writes that you can be imperfect, scared, and honest with expressing your feelings and desires and also be confident, loud, and open to love. You can be many different things all at once and it is still true! You are a multifaceted being so don’t let anyone, or even yourself, stick you into a single box.

Second, not tying your worthiness to accomplishments. This one was a hard one for me and I am still trying daily to be better at this. The idea that you can leave tasks incomplete and not be the best and to still want to receive love and expect that you should. She states that this is where perfectionism comes from. If everything looks good on the outside, then no one will ask questions about what’s happening on the inside. So, I don’t have to share, be vulnerable, and take judgement if everything looks perfect! It’s good protection.

Aha! Quote: “We’ve confused feeling with failing and emotions with liabilities.”

The third lesson that resonated was her writing around vulnerability. You admire it when others are vulnerable to you. And it can be a must in your relationships. But when it comes your turn to be vulnerable, you are afraid. You fear rejection, lack of interest, and shame or think you aren’t worthy of true connection and belonging. She does caution that you do not need to share with just anyone. You should be selective of the people who get to hear your stories.

The fourth idea is what I call “The Mid-life Shame Game”. Her research showed that sticking to the gender norms with men and women becomes almost unbearable at mid-life. She writes that men feel disconnected and have a fear of failure that becomes paralyzing. Women are tired and finally realize that they can’t do it all even though that’s what is expected.

Lastly, you are the writer of your life’s story. You get to choose who the characters are in your story. And, even better, at any time you can change it and rewrite your own ending. So, take back your power and don’t allow things to happen to you. Make them happen all by yourself!

4. Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo

Tips From An Entrepreneur And Business Coach:

We only get this one life so when she wrote this, I felt it. “When you say yes to something you are also saying no to something else.” This is a great reminder to be mindful of where you put your energy and to stay present in your life. When you say “yes” to scrolling on your phone while someone is trying to have a conversation with you, you are saying “no” to their company which could be interpreted as they don’t matter as much as your screen does.

She says, “Action is the antidote to fear”. You can still feel fear but then you have to get moving. Instead of spending your energy worrying and stressing, put that energy into action. “The fastest way out of our fear is through it.”

Failure is not you it is just something that happened. It is not part of your DNA that is in you forever so learn the lesson and continue onward.

When you limit yourself or ‘play small’ you deny others your special talents that are uniquely yours to learn from. These talents can give someone else help, growth, or joy so stop limiting yourself and put your gifts to use!

Aha! Quote: “Life doesn’t demand perfection. Life doesn’t require you to be constantly fearless, confident, or self-assured. Life simply requires that you keep showing up.” This quote also ties back to the idea from Brene Brown of using ‘and’ instead of ‘or’.

5. Super Attractor: Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams by Gabrielle Bernstein

Guidance That Aligned With Me:

Sometimes in life you need to be selfish and protect your good energy. This means you may need to redirect conversations, get off social media, let go of a friendship, etc. You need to be mindful of all things in expose yourself to and how they make you feel. You can be kind and honest as you move away from these people or situations and create clear boundaries. Nourish yourself with good energy.

Direct your energy to what you want instead of focusing on what isn’t going well for you. Some of you have probably heard the saying, “Energy goes where your intention flows.” So, if you focus on lack then the Universe will say yes to the lack energy and give you more lack. Also, use the good that happens to others as, what she calls, “driftwood” for you to cling onto that something good is coming your way too.

She writes about rejection being a form of protection like the concept of what didn’t work out for you actually worked out for you. This idea helps to dissolve the fear of rejection, shame, and open yourself up to something else better coming to you.

You don’t have to be positive all the time. Life happens and it will bring you ups and downs. Honor your negative feelings but allow them to move through you instead of ignoring or staying in them.

Gratitude isn’t about being happy about everything in your life but being grateful for the lessons. When something happens to you in your life, change your perception from why is this happening to me to what can I learn from this. See people and life as a big classroom and them as your teacher.

Aha! Quote: “In prayer you ask for guidance and, in meditation, you listen.”

I hope this inspires you to read a book from this list, especially if you feel like you need guidance, growth, self-study, and/or a change.

Much love & health,

Carrie

Release, Reconnect & Renew Digital Course

If you feel like you are ready for a change, join me for a 21 day online course to Release, Reconnect, & Renew. This self-study work will help you build your yogic “toolbelt” to release what is no longer serving you, lessen stress and anxiety, and start to live the life you want to live! Make the investment in yourself and start to create a habit of self care. Click here to learn more about the program.